Your ex is rubbish that you should remove from your life...
Better is waiting for you...
Dealing with your ex...
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BLESSING KANHIWA
Therapist|Business Coach|Author|Entrepreneur
CEO Sparkulous Pvt Ltd.
About me Read more...
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2.Openly Discuss Your Feelings
Talking about your feelings related to the break-up is an equally powerful tool to
manage them. As we talk to supportive friends and family members, we can come to some new understandings and relieve some of our pain.
Holding all of these negative feelings in just doesn’t work, although there may be times when this is necessary, such
as in public settings, at work, or in class. As we talk to others, we usually discover
that our feelings are normal and that others have survived these feelings.
Above all else, don’t isolate yourself or withdraw from those people who can give you support.
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3. Write Out Your Thoughts and Feelings
In addition to talking to others, it can be very helpful to journal your thoughts and
feelings related to the break-up. People are not always available when you need to get
out your feelings and some feelings or thoughts may be too private to feel comfortable sharing with others.
The act of writing your feelings out can be very freeing and can often give you a different perspective about them.
4. Understand That Break-ups Are Often
An Inevitable Part Of Dating Remember that many of our dating relationships will end up in a break-up.
This is the very nature of dating. Until we find our best match, we are going to be moving in and out of relationships, so expect it. This way, we won’t feel so devastated when it does happen.
Relationships usually end for some good reasons and they should end if we want to find our most suitable partner. Of course, no match will be perfect and we have to decide how long to keep looking and what we can live with.
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BLESSING KANHIWA
Therapist|Business Coach|Author|Entrepreneur
CEO Sparkulous Pvt Ltd.
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Finding a complementary partner is more than about love and therefore, it is going to likely take many dating relationships to find.
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5. Don’t Personalize The Loss
It is natural after a break-up to blame yourself, but try not to personalize the loss for
too long. Much of the pain of a break-up comes from seeing the loss as your fault and regretting the choices you made while in the relationship. This process of self-blame can go on endlessly if you let it.
It is far more helpful to see the ending as a result of conflicting needs and
incompatibilities that are no one’s fault. Each person in a relationship is trying to get their own needs met and some couples are able to help fulfill each other’s needs and others are not.
One of the biggest issues is being able to communicate and negotiate those needs. It’s not easy to learn, so don’t blame yourself and try not to blame your
ex. He or she is likely also doing the best they can, given their personalities and life
history. No one goes into a relationship with the goal of making it fail, or hurting the other person.
6. Prioritize Basic Self-Care
Self-care refers to ensuring that your basic needs are being met, despite the fact that
you may be feeling upset and depressed due to the break-up. You may not feel like
eating but do it anyways, and try to make some healthy choices in what you eat. Give yourself ample time to sleep, particularly since this may be difficult for you.
The short-term use of some herbal alternatives or sleep medications may be necessary to ensure you get the sleep you need. Sleep deprivation will only compound your suffering.
Keeping up or starting an exercise routine can also make you feel better both physically and psychologically. Remember, exercise causes the release of
endorphins, which can make you feel better.
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7. Get Back Into A Routine
Since going through a break-up can create a sense of chaos in many areas of your life, continuing on with your routines will give you a better sense of stability or normalcy.
Although taking some expectations off yourself temporarily can help, returning to
routines shortly after the initial blow can help calm you down and give you a returning sense of control.
This might include routines around wake-up and bedtimes, meals, school or work related activities, exercise, and time with others to mention a few.
8. Indulge Yourself
If there was ever a time to pamper yourself, it is after a break-up. You need to do something that will actively make yourself feel better. Indulgence can take many forms, depending upon what you really enjoy, but could include: going to a special restaurant, going to a movie with a friend, having a hot bath, trying a massage, going on a short trip, buying something new, taking the weekend off, taking a yoga class or reading your favorite book.
9. Give Yourself Some Slack
Expect that you are not going to be functioning at full capacity for a time due to the distress you are experiencing.
Therefore, it is not unreasonable to lighten your load for awhile. This might mean allowing yourself a break from studying for awhile, or studying less than you usually would.
It could also mean withdrawing from a class if you’re really struggling or working a lot less in a part-time job for awhile. Although some of these options may sound drastic, they will give you more time to adequately process your loss.
It may also mean expecting that your grades will go down a bit and
not judging yourself for this.
10. Don’t Lose Faith In People Or Relationships
Since you may be feeling very hurt after a break-up, it is easy to assume that all men
(or women) are bad or untrustworthy, but this just isn’t true. By holding on to this
belief, you will be denying yourself all kinds of opportunities for a great relationship in the future. We can’t over-generalize from our limited relationship history and assume that it will never work out. Keep shopping! The more people you meet, the greater the chance you will find your best match.
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11. Let Go Of The Hope You Will Get Back Together
Unless there is some very strong evidence that you will reunite with your ex, try to let
go of this possibility. Bringing closure to the relationship is impossible if you
continue to hold onto the hope that the relationship will be resurrected. This means don’t wait by the phone for a call, or try to e-mail or text them to try to have a little more connection, or beg to get back together, or make threats to get them back (i.e.,
you will commit suicide).
These options will only perpetuate your emotional distress in the long term and make you come across as desperate, which will further impact your already shaken self-esteem. Life is too short to wait for someone to come back to
you after a break-up.
12. Don’t Rely On Your Ex For Support Or Try To Maintain A Friendship
It’s not helpful to depend on your ex after a break-up, especially to help you overcome
the pain of the break-up. It makes it a lot harder to get over someone if you’re
continuing to see them or trying to maintain a friendship. After a significant period
(i.e. months) of no contact, a friendship might be possible, but wait until you’re feeling
very emotionally strong again.
13. Avoid Unhealthy Coping Strategies
There are several ways of coping with a break-up that are considered quite unhelpful and will likely only compound your problems. These include such choices as drinking excessively, doing drugs, overeating, self-harm, gambling excessively, or becoming a
workaholic.
You may be tempted to do whatever you can to avoid feelings of loneliness and pain, but it is essential to find healthier ways to cope.
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14. Make A List Of Your Ex’s Annoying Qualities
If you have been feeling bad because you keep thinking about how much you miss
your ex or how well suited you were to them, it can be helpful to make a list of all of their less endearing qualities.
Particularly if you didn’t initiate the break-up, it’s easy to focus on everything about your ex that you will miss, which can only magnify your suffering.
If you spend some time reflecting, you may come to see incompatibilities in
the relationship that make it easier to let go and come to see that there is likely a better match out there for you.
15. Avoid The Temptation To Take Revenge
The idea of retaliating against someone who you feel may have hurt you significantly
is very tempting, but making this choice may have unforeseen consequences.
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Why I Cheat On You?
a.“ I cheat in order to buy for myself earrings, my husbands salary is not enough and its never enough, he comes home with peanuts. He is unlucky with jobs I cheat with five boyfriends and it pays me”.
b. “I cheat because my husband doesn’t want to be told the mistakes he does during sex he is Mr. Know it all and it sucks big time because he knows nothing about sex after all. I found for myself a sugar boy don’t judge me”
c. “I cheat because my husband has been cheating on me like no man’s business since our five years in marriage. So this is revenge time I cheat on him with many men, I also cheated on him with his old father”.
d. “my husband all he knows is just work all the time and give me money , I don’t care about his money I don’t sleep with his money to hell with it ,I cheat on him with our garden boy”.
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Why Do You Man Turn Sex Into Just About You?
Husbands like you make their wives feel used!
One of the biggest reasons I married you was for love, companionship, to raise a family, to be help mates but also for Great Sex life!
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Your Safety Is Inside You!
Sometime's you hesitate and you are saved from an accident!
Sometime's you just follow your heart and get rich unexpected!
Something has been installed inside of us by God
that continuously warns us to be on the look out...
☆Look out for that opportunity
☆Look out for that danger
We all call it the heart, it’s like it whispers to us but in fact it’s the spirit of God that lives inside of
us.
If you nourish your spirit by reading the word,
prayer and fasting you will hear the voice louder
inside of you...
Always whispering, telling you which path to take in each situation you find yourself in...
When you are about to go to work, school or start anything listen to it...
When you are around fake evil people listen to it...
When you are about to do evil things the inner voice tells you softly and calmly...
When you neglect your spirit or its whisper, what I
term the warning sign the voice will start getting faint..
Always keep meditating on the word to keep your
inner man strong and sharp to assist you in every
situation..
•It will warn you
•It will protect you
•It will make you rich
•It will give you life
The life Picture
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BLESSING KANHIWA
Therapist|Coach|Author|
CEO Sparkulous .Pvt Ltd.
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